My 19-year-old daughter, Rose, was always a smart girl.
She did well in school and received a full scholarship to a great local school.
This was a huge achievement and a sign of her intelligence and dedication.
She lives with me and is doing well in her studies, and everything seemed to be fine in her life.
She had a bright future ahead of her with plenty of opportunities waiting for her.
A few months ago she got a new boyfriend, someone I don’t like. He continually lets her down, but covers it up with a big smile and grand promises.
This kind of behavior worries me because it is clear that he is not trustworthy.
Despite my warnings, they are still dating, and now she is pregnant.
This situation has changed everything and has huge implications for her future.
Independence
When I heard that Rose was pregnant, I offered to pay for the abortion and take a few days off to hospitalize her and help her recover.
This was my way of supporting her and helping her overcome this difficult situation .
However, she said no. She’s going to marry her boyfriend, and they’ll be one big happy family.
This sounds like a nice plan, but I have my doubts about its reality.
He wants to move in with me, and she drops out of school while he works to support them.
He’s a bartender who doesn’t go to college. I laughed at this idea, which made her angry, because I don’t see it as a realistic or stable plan.
Boundaries
She told me that since he can’t move in, I need to help more with the baby.
This came as a shock to me because I always saw her as a very sensible child .
I don’t know where all this comes from.
I told her point blank that if she thinks she is mature enough to have and raise a child and get married, she should move quickly and manage to grow up with the child’s father.
This is a harsh truth, but I believe she needs to hear it.
I raised the only child I wanted.
I don’t want any more children living in my house.
I told her I would pay for diapers here and there , and that I would still visit her, but this baby is 0% my responsibility.
If she chooses adoption, which I’m pretty sure she won’t, I would be willing to help her with that.
This is my way of setting my boundaries and making it clear that I don’t want to re-evaluate my life and responsibilities.
Family
She doesn’t want to talk to me. My husband (her stepfather) stays out of this, but thinks I can help more.
This has caused tension in our house because he has a different view of the situation.
I told him he was welcome to babysit her and to keep his mouth shut.
This isn’t the most diplomatic way to deal with his concerns, but I feel strongly about my decision .
I had my daughter when I was 19. I was married to her father, who was in the military.
This was a different time and a different situation.
I still graduated from college on time at the age of 22 and everything was going well for us until he died in service.
This experience has shaped me and I believe the fact that it worked out well for me clouds my daughter’s judgment.
Her boyfriend can’t even offer her or her child health insurance.
It’s a completely different scenario , and I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I did.
Decision
Many of you are suggesting that I still let her live with me and keep the baby.
This isn’t happening! I don’t want a baby in the house, period – and I don’t babysit either.
This is a hard line for me and something I will not deviate from.
I do normal grandparent things like show up at birthday parties and buy presents here and there , but that’s it. What do you think of this situation?